Rogue Scientist Claims Stonehenge is Important
For thousands of years, natives have viewed Stonehenge as nothing more than a place to gather and ritually burn tubes of makeup in an attempt to appease the sun-gods. Now a rogue scientist claims that the site has historical value, trying to stop its conversion into a coffee shop.
George "Ice" T argues that the stones were used as some sort of astronomical sundial by ancient natives. He bases his controversial argument on various archaeological findings, particularly ancient Persian scrolls that discuss how ancient Persians would use Stonehenge to calculate exactly when the prime roses of Cyrsus would bloom.
Natives are cynical, with some questioning Mr. T's motives. Several years Mr. T had been involved in fierce controversy over whether or not voting machines should be electronic or not. Other controversy has stalked the notorious researcher including a brief stint in Rio that the press heavily covered.
Generally natives are fed up with Stonehenge and view it as more of an eyesore than a convenient location to engage in primal, ritualistic behavior. "We've been burning our excess makeup tubes for years at Stonehenge," said Jon Dancing. "And we're fed up. It's time for change."
When asked if turning the site into a coffee shop made sense, Jon agreed. "New York is almost half coffee-shops, and we all love it. Why not take it one step further?"
More serious opposition to the coffee-shop conversion comes from makeup companies who view Stonehenge as a focal point for seasonal turnover. Jane O'Neilson, a sociology professor at Harfard argues that, "Taking away Stonehenge could cause dangerous accumulation of makeup inside homes. This increase in makeup could potentially reduce many men's will to live."
Decisions have to be made soon. Stonehenge's status will be decided in a referendum on the 20th of April.